Gail Griffin

Parable of the Mountain Lion

                "In Blairsden, a caller reported that she could hear a woman screaming.
                A deputy said that it was probably a mountain lion."
                                                                              —Portola (CA) Reporter
 

In Manitou Springs, a paperboy reported that he saw a mountain lion on a rock.
The ranger said it was probably a dog.

In Portland, a bank clerk said her last customer looked just like a bull terrier.
The branch manager said she would probably get fired.

In Okemos, an old woman reported a fire.
The station chief said she was probably crazy.

In Springfield, a girl said she thought she was crazy.
Her mother said it was probably the weather.

In Elmhurst, the minister said God had sent the devastating weather.
The kid in the back row said he was probably drunk.

In Erie, the 7-11 clerk said he saw a truck run over a drunk.
The manager asked if it could have been a Humvee.

In Waycross, the biology teacher said she'd seen a Humvee full of soldiers.
The swim coach said they were probably skinheads.

In Dover, a mailman said there was a houseful of skinheads two streets over.
His customer said they were probably terrorists.

In Davenport, the lawyer said she'd flown home sitting next to a terrorist.
Her husband said he was probably CIA.

In Salinas, a woman said she thought her husband might be CIA.
Her sister said maybe he was psychotic.

In Tempe, an English major said she thought her boyfriend was psychotic.
Her roommate said men are dogs.

In Kingsley, a motel clerk said something had torn up his dog.
The night manager said maybe it was a mountain lion.

In Provo, a ranger said he'd heard a mountain lion the night before.
His wife said it was probably a woman screaming.